Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
