Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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