: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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