Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
