I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
