You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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