You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
