I think I died a long time ago.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
