I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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