If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
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He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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