I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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