his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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