I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
