You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
