Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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