just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
