I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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