Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
