Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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