No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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