i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
