She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize