I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
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She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
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Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.