If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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