I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
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running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
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I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?