I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.