you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me