The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
