i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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