My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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