i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
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If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
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Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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