I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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