You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
