He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
