Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize