in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
