mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Randomize
