Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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