Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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