Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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