Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
