He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
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She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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