im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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