but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Randomize