I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
