and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
