Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We need to get me chipped asap
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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