i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
