Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
