I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
