I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
