Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
