she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
