All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Michael Bay diarrhea
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
