I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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