I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
