im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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