I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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