Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
