Just fell off a train. Bad.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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