I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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