I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
