i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
