I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
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She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Your cock deserves a montage
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You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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