I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
